The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
