I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
