haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
