im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
