Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
soo... how was my night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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