is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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