so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
