I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
