the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
