i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
