Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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