whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
