The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
