omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
