I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
