Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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