That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
