one might say we're banned from that church
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
