I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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