i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
