now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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