I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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