Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
