I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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