I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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