In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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