We won't sleep together?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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