I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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