Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
