maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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