Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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