I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
