You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
