Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
