At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
