They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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