I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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