So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
