Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
