in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
