Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
