I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
