If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
