i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
