Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
