i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
