Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
