i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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