my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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