Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
pop tarts are not kleenex
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
