dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
