I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
