You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
