so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
