Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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