just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
