i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
