Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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