I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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