with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
