I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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