There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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