I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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