What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
