my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's when you crack a 10am beer
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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