I think my vagina is haunted
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
