I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
only if we run a train.
done.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dignity is for republicans.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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