Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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