All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
