I'm really into asian looking animals
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
