So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
