thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
