i jhust puked up my retainher.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
