please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
