I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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