Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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