I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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